LOST...

So sorry for being absent for a very long time that’s because when a person gets him self lost then he is definitely absent every where…getting lost in a crowd is not that much horrible as compared to getting lost in your own self… I have lost my self, yes… I must say that I am lost even with in me I am lost … my soul my inner self is lost in its own mind and it fights with me that where am I in this dark room a dark black hole… I am trying hard to stay in my skin so that I can feel in my self… when I feel that I am getting empty I Hurt my self to feel some pain from the out side so that I can realize again that I am an existing person with emotions and feelings in side my self… my inner self try’s  to fit in with in my self but it seems that its moving here and there inside me and  banging on the walls of the dark room because it can not see any thing in the dark… for the time being some times it finds a way to fit in because its sort of getting used to it I mean the darkness… those are the days in which I feel a bit a live when I feel that at least I am with my self… I know that it’s wrong it’s completely wrong… but my darkest part of the night is getting darker day by day and I have no idea that what is going on??? I am just looking forward for the dawn and I simply don’t know why the dawn of my life is getting late and late and late… I am 100% sure that there must be some good in it… I definitely hope for it… if it’s late for some thing good I am trying to wait a little longer but I am also a human being who gets anxious and feel miserable to wait more and more and more… I cry I shout I teas my self so that any one can understand what exactly I want and how I want to get rid of my life’s darkness… but I guess until and unless HE the great HE will not order any one to help me No one I must say No one can help me even I cant help my self… Until He tells the sun to Rise and Shine and give me back my strength to live… and u know what? I have a Strong believe in it that there is a dawn coming for me INSHALLAH… The great HE is watching and He is happy that I am still counting and didn’t give up yet Alhamdulillah:>