I am extremely very sorry Allah Miyan… You know very well that there were times & still there are circumstances in which You granted me your blessing and your most precious Grace that helped me to find solutions for my problems… And I am really very thankful to You for this… I thought that every situation can be solved easily Just Like That… I think I was used to solve and solve and solve, I was never stucked badly like this any where at all… There were hard times but they were passed away with out any much harm to me or to any thing… But now! Allah Miyan in the History of my Life I have been caught in a very Big Web of Pain, Misery, Confusion, Fear, Exhaustion, Frustrations & above all Allah Miayan I never felt so much Lonely in my entire Life… Allah Miyan you have explained it to me very well that with out your Help we can not even think of any thing… We get stuck and totally blind if You are not with Us… Allah Miyan please please please listen to me… Please there is no one but you who can sort things out for me as always… I don’t have any idea that why this time you are sending the help a bit late because I am a simple and miserable Human who can not do Any thing at all with out your help… Allah Miyan I am waiting and trying to fit in trying to Hang in… but still again & again I look towards the Horizon that your Angel will come and rescue me from this miserable times… Allah Miyan you can see and can Understand very well even if I do not say anything that I am really very very tired I simply don’t want to give up … Please please Help me Allah Miyan … You are the One who can here me truly and help me with all of this mess that I have made and still to resolve those messes I am making more messes… Please forgive me please its been SO HARD all this time Allah Miyan Its BEEN SO HARD… I am realy very guilty and this guilt is also killing me day by day if you didn’t forgive me for my sins… I am so Sorry Allah Miyan… Please Here Me…And accept my Apology and grant me Peace…I know you Can and I have a strong belief that you will and you are with me watching each and every move of mine… you will not let me be spoiled by crazy people out here… look at my hands look at my face with grief and guilt, look at my tears …Only you can get the exact value of every thing Allah Miyan… Please I know you Love me so much You are there for me… Please Help me to get through this Hard time…. I can not do it alone please forgive me please… You and only you can understand that what did I do and why did I do it Allah Miyan… Only you can solve things for me… you know every thing Allah Miyan… You are one and my Biggest Best Friend and I am looking forward to You in EVERYTHING INSHALLAH!!!
So sorry for being absent for a very long time that’s because when a person gets him self lost then he is definitely absent every where…getting lost in a crowd is not that much horrible as compared to getting lost in your own self… I have lost my self, yes… I must say that I am lost even with in me I am lost … my soul my inner self is lost in its own mind and it fights with me that where am I in this dark room a dark black hole… I am trying hard to stay in my skin so that I can feel in my self… when I feel that I am getting empty I Hurt my self to feel some pain from the out side so that I can realize again that I am an existing person with emotions and feelings in side my self… my inner self try’s to fit in with in my self but it seems that its moving here and there inside me and banging on the walls of the dark room because it can not see any thing in the dark… for the time being some times it finds a way to fit in because its sort of getting used to it I mean the darkness… those are the days in which I feel a bit a live when I feel that at least I am with my self… I know that it’s wrong it’s completely wrong… but my darkest part of the night is getting darker day by day and I have no idea that what is going on??? I am just looking forward for the dawn and I simply don’t know why the dawn of my life is getting late and late and late… I am 100% sure that there must be some good in it… I definitely hope for it… if it’s late for some thing good I am trying to wait a little longer but I am also a human being who gets anxious and feel miserable to wait more and more and more… I cry I shout I teas my self so that any one can understand what exactly I want and how I want to get rid of my life’s darkness… but I guess until and unless HE the great HE will not order any one to help me No one I must say No one can help me even I cant help my self… Until He tells the sun to Rise and Shine and give me back my strength to live… and u know what? I have a Strong believe in it that there is a dawn coming for me INSHALLAH… The great HE is watching and He is happy that I am still counting and didn’t give up yet Alhamdulillah:>
